Quotes on life and love:
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.
Just ‘cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean that the circus has left town.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”
Quotes for a good laugh:
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Don’t just teach your children to read…teach them to question everything that they read…teach them to question everything.
We’ve added years to life, not life to years.
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.
George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, philosopher, author, and social critic. He was famous for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and other taboo subjects.
Carlin did 14 stand-up comedy specials for HBO, first of which was filmed in 1977. He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. He hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Live in 1975. His final HBO special was It’s Bad for Ya. It was filmed less than four months before his death from cardiac arrest.
In 2008, Carlin was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor posthumously. In 2017, he was ranked second on Rolling Stone magazine’s list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time. In 2004, Comedy Central placed him second on its list of “Top 10 Comedians of US Audiences”.